Perspective - most people know this word from film, photography, or literature, as the angle from which a subject or object is captured and explained. But perspective is also the lens through which we view the world, the people surrounding us, and ultimately, ourselves.
People often talk about shifting your perspective on a problem or crisis, but how do we actually do this when we’re unconsciously stuck in our ways?
Every person’s perspective is their own, sustained and nurtured by the experiences and people in their lives. No two human lenses can ever be identical, because we are all unique in our inner world. Nonetheless, in times of crisis and uncertainty, sharing our thoughts and emotions with each other honestly, without filters, helps us to express ourselves and in doing so, could open up the possibility of seeing things differently.
I had always considered myself an open minded person with the ability to stand in other people’s shoes. However, last year I discovered that shifting your perspective on the world and our society, begins with changing the way you see yourself first. A lesson I learned thanks to my loved ones.
I had been some version of unhappy for most of my adult life. At times aware and sometimes unaware of my anxieties, fears, confusion and doubts. I fiercely upheld the perspective that these issues were caused by external factors, like my career, certain people in my life, the political and economic circumstances of the world, and so on.
Convinced that changing my perspective was only a matter of tackling these external factors. I quit my job, moved to a new home and travelled for some weeks.
Upon settling into my “new” life, I thought that my view on the world and its possibilities would feel different or refreshed. But with every new challenge or moment of discomfort that came my way in the following weeks, I found myself faltering under the pressure of changes imposed upon me, reacting and coping in the same ways as always.
Plagued by anxiety about the future and the need to gain control over my life, I consistently tried to move forward, upholding the same perspective I had had during times of stability - that I just needed to fix the immediate problem at hand and everything would be fine.
I saw myself functioning successfully within the familiar value system and job market, living and acting as the person I thought I was, with the skills I knew I already had. But after a family member lovingly pointed out that he didn’t perceive me as any happier than before changing my environment, something truly shifted internally.
I began to question if my lens was obstructed by past experiences, social conditioning, and the fast-paced digital world. I intuitively knew the answer to this was yes, but how could I clean it?
Wondering what I was misjudging in the bigger picture, I began creating coping mechanisms. I thought it would be a good idea to set up a support network of the people closest to me, so that when things got tough, they would be (I hoped) there to support me. I knew that in order to shift things on the inside, I’d have to also shift things on the outside. I knew I needed to tell the people who cared for me that I was about to go on a journey of exploration and development, and that I suspected it could be tough. I knew I needed to ask them for support. This idea scared me. Mostly because I knew that in order to shift my life, I'd need to shift myself... and in order to do that I'd need to look at myself from multiple angles. This meant asking my nearest and dearest what they thought about me and what they thought I could do to shift things in a more positive direction for myself. I didn't know if I'
d want to hear any of it. But I knew carrying on like this wasn't an option.
The process started with me coming to terms with the fact that I was going to share my genuine woes and worries with my loved ones.
Showing vulnerability had never been an easy task for me. My role was always that of the eternal optimist, problem solver and entertainer. However, in this time of personal darkness, I found that opening up and being willing to show that I could be vulnerable strengthened my relationships with friends and family.
When I shared, they shared. Hearing their stories and how they had overcome struggles began to alter the way I saw my personal struggle and the situation I was in. Hearing how they had faced and overcome their own difficulties added so much value to my perspective of my circumstances.
By seeing how they had moved through challenging times, what lessons they had learned and what they still struggled with on a deeper level, I became aware of where my priorities were confused, amongst other things.
I realised that my loved ones wanted the best for me. And this realisation is what inspired me to write this to you today. It’s likely that your loved ones want the best for you. Even though we can take their advice or suggestions as nagging or judgement, could it be that in their own way they’re pushing us to reach our own success? To face things about ourselves that perhaps we can’t see, things that we’re not conscious of, that are in our blind spot so to speak? They see us through a different lense than we see ourselves. So, even if we don’t like what we hear, it can be really useful to at least consider other people’s points of view. For a moment, literally seeing the world, and ourselves, through their lense instead of ours.
While at first this array of alternative lenses created more confusion in my mind, I took more time to process each conversation, letting all the ideas and opinions sink in, evaluating to what extent they matched my own. Soon enough, the common denominators in these differing perspectives started to emerge like a pattern and I began to understand where and how I was standing in my own way, sabotaging my own evolution!
And so, conversation after conversation, their feedback started to wipe my lens clean, shifting my view of myself and consequently the world. I began to notice opportunities I hadn’t seen before. I started letting go of old narratives in my mind, making space to hear what I truly wanted to contribute to this world. New ideas gained strength and old ones that no longer served me started to organically disappear from my mind. In short - my perspective flipped upside down.
I’ve found that it’s those who know us best who have the ability to shine light on our darkest spots. So if you’re feeling like you need to change your lens on your current situation, consider who you feel safe with. Which of your loved ones could you share honestly and vulnerably with? Who could you tell about your biggest challenges and trust to have your best interests at heart when they share their perspective on them with you.
You might find yourself gushing at how much they can help you grow and survive the toughest moments in life.
Remember, you’re not alone.
Mel x
